New York, Shmoo York

When I was younger, I always dreamed of leaving the south, moving north to NYC and living an adventurous life in an urban metropolis.  The height of hustle and bustle, I couldn’t imagine a bigger, grander place to start, but I now realize that I hadn’t learned to dream big enough.  Fast forward to my mid 20’s, I found myself walking the streets of New York City….after about 2 hours I had walked the width of the Island of Manhattan.  Instantaneously, disappointment came over me and I realized that even NYC wasn’t big enough for me.  What else could there be?  If one of the largest cities in the United States of America was unsatisfying, what place could captivate me long enough to make me want to stay?  The answer as of now?…India.  6 months after my arrival here I feel like it would take another 100 years to get used to this place.  “Hey, why is that man carrying a basket on his head and being followed by 10 men beating on drums?”  Your guess is as good as mine.  “What’s that giant thing they are throwing into the lake?”  No clue.  “What am I about to eat?” Never mind, I don’t want to know…..here goes nothing.  “I shouldn’t wear Rainbow flip flops to this event?”  Oh, ok…too bad they don’t sell shoes my size here.  Beyond the everyday happenings that keep life here interesting, I’m continually challenged to learn from the mentality of another culture.  The latest realization?  I, as a typical individualistic American, had reached new heights of selfishness.  I’m continually challenged by the group mentality of India.  Everything is used for the common good.  Nothing is “mine” and everything is “ours.”  Don’t think about paying your dinner bill separately or buying one person’s dinner and not every person’s dinner.  There are pros and cons to both cultures, but I hadn’t realized that the mentality that says I’m responsible for my personal well being and no one else’s breeds a selfishness that takes root in the most elementary of things.  No matter how big or small Bangalore becomes geographically, the massive difference in culture and everyday life provides a world of challenges that I’m not sure could ever be conquered.    

**Praying for my friends all along the east coast today....including those in NYC.  I hope you find yourself safe, sound, with water and electricity**   

Scooters, Food Poisoning, and Ministry

Unpredictability and patience are the names of the game.  I've never been in a place that operates so differently.  The immediate gratification and efficiency that every American holds dear becomes a comical joke the moment your foot hits the ground in Bangalore.  You think you're going to walk onto the lot and an hour later walk off with a scooter?  Guess again, wait times range from one week to several months.  You think you're going to drive your scooter the day you get it?  Guess again, you get food poisoning the day before.  You think you have hotel reservations and a place to minister?  Think again, theres a wedding that bumped your reservation and a pastor's death that cancels your ministry.  You think you're going to arrive somewhere in the usual 15 minutes?  Guess again, there is a train coming, a massive traffic jam, or possibly, the road has been dug up and will be repaired tomorrow.  You think you'll go out and buy what you need tomorrow?  Think again, it's 1 of 1000 Hindu festivals you know nothing about.....you get the point.  Patience and the flexibility to go along with whatever happens is a virtue that is highly valued but not as easy to come by.  I'm learning day by day that plans are fluid and everything is out of our control.  As much as we desire to dictate every moment of our waking lives, to never depend on anyone but ourselves, and to control whatever we can get our hands on, ultimately we have control of nothing.  "Instead you should say, if it's the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." James 4:15. That verse has a whole new meaning to me here.  I can make all the plans in the world, but ultimately my days are ordained by God.  Just so you know, in the long process of finding and buying my scooter, a man received Christ.  The day of the hotel debacle and pastor's death, our ministry was rerouted to a village where there was no Christian representation....7 people were saved that day.  Letting go of our own agenda gives us the ability to partner with His.  Then, things happen....I'm learning to let them.   

Seeking and Finding

What a year?!? Who knew that this time last year I had no idea where I would be or what I would be doing. A short term trip to India would have seemed far fetched, but if you had told me I would move here, I probably would have laughed in your face. I knew that my heart was with other nations (India wasn't one I had in mind), and I knew that God was capable of anything, but there is always that place in your mind where you think it will happen 10 years from now. The sudden nature of everything that happened has literally blown me away. 10 months after the idea of a two week trip was planted in my mind, and approximately $25,500 later, I live in a foreign country and have a job that I never could have dreamed up. The whirlwind that has stormed my life in the last three years has done the unexpected and the ideas and plans I once held seem like a comical memory. It's comforting to know that God really does know us better than we know ourselves. In all my efforts to find what I was meant for...grasping at this profession or that, all along he was pulling me closer and closer to contentment. I've always held the idea that we are meant to do something we love, that we enjoy, and that has purpose. So many times we work for the money, we work for the security, we work for a million reasons that are really just our effort to make something of this life that we've been given. Who knew that tiny belief, that God had designed me to be happy and fullfilled, would cause me to be unsettled in anything but what I was created to do. In seeking the kingdom, what's good, right, lovely, and full of God, your desires and His are one and the same....He gives you everything you could have hoped for and more.

1 week? 7 days? That's it?!?!?

7 days is all that's left...what happened?!? My time here in Bangalore went so quickly that I can't even even process the reality of 7 days. For those of you who have been patiently waiting for photos, I hope you have a little more patience left in you....I went to post my pictures and the battery in my camera died which wouldn't be a problem except I have no idea what happened to the charger cord. It may have to wait until a Best Buy is easily within my reach. Rest assured I do have photos to quench that taste of India that you've been longing for. My time here has been completely different than I invisioned it to be; however, different doesn't necessarily mean inferior. God is well aware of what we need to grow and how that growth is best facilitated. He is patient and meticulous in His approach. My prayer is that no matter what form the journey takes, I would gladly blaze the trail knowing that it is creating in me the foundations and the heart that endures to the end. As I look back on the last three months I see massive amounts of grace, personal growth, ministry, and a ridiculous new skill that actually pulled out creativity that I never knew was there....all in all, a good three month start to a new venture. Round two of my time in India begins in late July. Planning and purchasing a plane ticket from the US before you've even made it back to the US is hard for the mind to process...everything is happening so quickly. I guess I did ask for a life of adventure....God delivers.

Blessing upon Blessing

With four weeks remaining my thoughts are beginning to drift back to my life at home. I started to recount my life in Pennsylvania and then began to reflect on my upcoming time at home in North Carolina. One thing was clear in both scenarios....the overwhelming goodness of God in my life. Three years ago my life took a dramatic turn and I never would have imagined the places I would go or the things I would experience. It was never in my plan to go to Brazil, live in Pennsylvania and attend a ministry school, or move to India and produce jewlery; all along the way God has taken me to places I didn't expect, but that I couldn't have loved more. He knows me better than I even know myself and every day is filled with plesant suprises that I couldn't have even dreamed of. I love the adventure of this life that I live and I'm filled with awe at the blessings I've received. Even more than that, I'm filled with thankfullness that it's from His goodness that He gives these things, not from anything I did to earn them. I walk through life saying "yes" to what he offers, simply accepting the gifts from His hand, and living a life greater than I ever knew was available. Every move has seemed crazy and I don't always understand it, but the answer is always "yes" because He came to give us life and life abundant; He has a plan not to harm us but to give us a hope and a future.... He has definitely lived up to His words! As sad as I am to be leaving Pennsylvania and the beautiful life I experienced there, I also know that it's time to go home. I am blessed with an amazing family that I love very much and I'm thankful for the time I get to spend with them before moving back to India. I'm fully aware that God orchestrated not only my return, but the return of my brother and sister-in-law and I couldn't be more grateful that in His perfect timing He brought us all together. There's blessing upon blessing upon blessing upon blessing.....the Lord is good.

I'm Still Alive

So I could say that I am in rustic India where the power goes out frequently, the internet moves as slow as Christmas, and I am so busy with ministry that there is just no time for blogging....orrrr, I could just apologize that I have been a little negligent in my writing. I'm sorry to all of you who have supported me that I left anxiously awaiting updates. Rest assured that your silent outcry from the edge of your seats and the sound of your nail biting could be heard halfway around the world and I have returned from my cyber no mans land to share my adventure with you:

The weather is hot, the food is interesting (it's growing on me a little...a little), the flowers/plants are beautiful, they don't have shoes that fit my women's size 11 feet, the culture is vastly different, I hand washed and air dried an outfit for the first time in my life, I'm exactly where I am supposed to be and I love that, annnnd I'm moving back here towards the end of the summer.

You like how I snuck that last one in there?? Yeah, so I am exactly where I should be, doing exactly what I should be doing right now. Although there have been things that stretch me, awkward moments and situations, uncomfortable feelings and culture shock, I know that by God's grace He has placed me in the perfect place to grow, learn, and minister. When I return I will continue to work with the widows project that I am currently part of. Our goal is to employ widows to produce jewelry that will in turn provide an income to women who would otherwise have little to no opportunity for employment. We are in the beginning stages of the project right now so most of my work has consisted of bead shopping, organizing, and product development; things, however, are progressing quickly and we hope to have several widows employed, trained, and producing jewelry by the time I return to the States in May.

Besides working with the widows I have had the opportunity to travel to different churches within Bangalore to teach and preach. So a typical day for me here in India consists of preparing to teach different topics in the morning, helping to develop the widows project in the afternoon, and learning to cook Indian dishes in the evening. Somewhere along the way I'll throw in learning to speak the language....just FYI, I'm pretty sure that every word in Kannada (the language spoken here in Karnataka) has 183,938 syllables. Maybe it's just me, I could be wrong. I tried to learn how to say "thank you" yesterday and it had 5 syllables that I couldn't remember to save my life. I'll get it someday.....

Pinch Me!

It's a wonderful feeling waking up from a dream that depicts a day in my ordinary life only to realize that I am in India....What was once the dream has become reality and my reality the dream. And with that, the first chapter of the chronicle of impossibilities is coming to an end. I have landed safely here in Bangalore and have managed to conquer jet lag as well as the insurmountable odds that were stacked against this trip. I boarded the plane $400 shy of the goal I had wished to raise and one day after my arrival I was informed that all my needs were met....correction, exceeded!! The Lord is good, He is faithful to His word. He is strong and mighty to save; If the Lord is for us, who can be against us? Nothing is impossible with God! This scripture, these truths, ring true and have yet to disappoint. My plan is to continue to display these truths until the day that I die....may I stand in the face of giants, seas, mountiains, trials, tribulations, and every impossiblitiy under the sun to display the faithfulness of the Lord and His love toward us.

Chapter 2.....

Don't You Know Who I Am?

One thing you learn in the food service industry is that people have a rather interesting view of the waiter or waitress that is serving them. I have been disregarded and unacknowledged. I have been waived at like a slave, beckoned and dismissed with the simple wave of a hand. I have watched as their eyes roll back in their heads with a speechless expression that needs no words to imply, "I'm annoyed by you and your meer existence is exasperating." I'm sure you are wondering if perhaps I am simply a terrible waitress, and while that would explain the responses I receive, let me assure you that I am not....those are typical occurances.

I found myself overwhelmed with how rude the American public seemed to be. There have been times when I wanted to scream, "Don't you know that I am still a human being just like you? Don't you know that I am a well educated individual with rights and privileges? Don't you realize that I am serving here by choice and am in no way, shape or form your slave? Just because I am providing a service to you, does not mean that I am inferior to you." Everything within me cried out and I struggled to cope with my slip down the societal ladder. That is, until God reminded me that who I am is not defined by how people view me. I am a free individual, bought and paid for by the blood of Christ. He paid a ransom for my life and I can never be plucked from His hand. I can, however, give up my freedom to become a servant to others. No one can steal what you freely lay down. There is a vast difference between having your satus revoked and retaining your status by laying down all rights and privileges of your own free will. In one scenario your identity is stolen from you and you are consumed with trying to recover what is rightfully yours; in the other, the assurance of your identity frees you to walk in a place where other people's disregard for your status isn't offensive. Throughout history people have struggled to gain equality; whether it is a nationality, a race, or a gender people have an instinctive knowledge that they were born equally. It's only when you have self assurance of your identity that you can stop struggling against man and begin to serve him.

I'm blown away by the example that Christ set for us. Laying down His deity, He became fully human. Being bruised and broken, spit on and laughed at, He did not struggle against man to reclaim His place above even the rulers; instead, knowing who He was, He confidently became a servant to those who were ignorant of the picture of love that was being lived out in front of them.

Update: Just 3 weeks and $1,000 to go! I'm blown away by the provision I have received. What once looked like a mountain now seems like a mole hill, or an ant hill, or a grain of sand....what's smaller than that???

Dear Mom and Dad,

Stick with me through the song (Sugarland, "Baby Girl")....there's a point.

They say this town,
The stars stay up all night,
Don't know can't see'em,
For the glow of the neon lights.
And it's a long way from here,
To the place where the home fires burn,
Well it's 2,000 miles and one left turn.

[chorus]
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please send money,
I'm so broke that it ain't funny.
I don't need much just enough to get me through.
Please don't worry 'cause I'm alright.
(I'm playin here at the bar tonight)
This time I'm gonna make our dreams come true...
Well I love you more than anything in the world.
Love,
Your Baby Girl

Black top blue sky,
Big town full of little white lies,
Everybody's your friend you can never be sure.
They'll promise fancy cars and diamond rings,
All sorts of shiny things.
Girl, you'll remember what your knees are for.

[repeat chorus]

I know that I'm on my way,
When I can tell every time I play.
And I know it's worth all the dues I pay,
When I can write to you and say...

Dear Mom and Dad,
I'll send money. I'm so rich that It ain't funny.
Well it oughtta be more then enough to get you through.
Please don't worry cause I'm alright,
I'm stayin here at the Ritz tonight,
Whatta ya know we made our dreams come true!
And there are fancy cars and diamond rings,
But you know that they don't mean a thing,
Well they all add up to nothin compared to you,
Well, remember me in ribbons and curls...
I still love you more than anything in the world

Love,
Your Baby Girl

Ok, so replace playing music with becoming a missionary and living out the destiny that God created for me from the beginning of time...you catch the drift. Here's to a mom and dad who hang in there when their child follows a dream that doesn't seem safe, secure, or easy. More than that, here's to calling out things that are not as though they are (Romans 4:17). I pray that my parents see a full return on the investment they've made in my life, not only monetarily but in prayers and tears. It's coming mom and dad...(allow me a little poetic license)

"I know that I'm on my way,
When I can tell every time I pray,
And I know it's worth all the dues we pay,
When I can write to you and say...

The world has changed.


p.s. My Visa is in, my forms are complete, the plane ticket is in hand, and things are coming together. From $6000 down to $1000 and counting.