The Middle... What CliffsNotes Were Made For

Have you ever thought about how a surprise is only fun when you are clueless of its existence? The attempt to anticipate a surprise, waiting and wondering, actually has the ability to drive a person crazy. The lack of control and utter dependency requires trust that the surpriser is good, caring, and capable. There must be the understanding that beyond your scope and vision there is a dependable plan. A plan that you didn't make. A plan that requires nothing from you save reckless trust.

I have found myself in the midst of a romance with One who is unpredictable and while His unpredictability is predictably good, learning not to try and anticipate His ways is something that is essential to my well being. I'm learning to love that in the end I know that the details are not my burden to carry. Every loose end has been tied, every proverbial "i" has been dotted, every "t" crossed and all that I have to do is sit back and marvel at His love and goodness toward me. He knows my heart's deepest desire, He woos me as He giddily presents me with things that I never would have dreamt of myself. He knows every good and perfect thing and it is His delight to share them with me. Can you imagine someone who's delight is found in making your heart flutter with excitement? That overwhelming devotion to me is just a piece of the love that brings peace that passes all understanding. My life, to any bystander looks like a suicide mission, but I have peace knowing that in death we find life. Everyday I walk toward financial death knowing that in reality, because of the love and goodness my Savior, I walk toward a full life complete with purpose and destiny.

There are hidden places, storehouses that are waiting to be exposed. I know that they exist because I know the end of the story, and I know that the narrator is true to His word. Here's to celebrating that the middle will work itself out!

P.S. Have I mentioned that within the first week of fundraising for India, $2000 was given and a portion of the cost was waived? Yep, pretty amazing for a girl with few connections. Down to $3,000 and counting!

Once Upon a Time

This is the story of a girl who dares to believe that nothing is impossible. Moving forward with the memories of the past and the assurance of what I've hoped for in the future, I will continue to step into places that display the love and power of God on the behalf of his children. My hope is that as I learn to walk in faith, impossibilities will fall not only in my life but in the lives of others who begin to challenge the obstacles that stand between them and the fulfillment of their heart's desires.

So, let me set the stage..... I am a college graduate with a student loan debt that eats house loans for lunch. At this point, that four years could have bought me a nice 4 bedroom home. I'm a ministry school student who pays my bills month to month from a waitress' salary, and God has laid it upon my heart to become a missionary in foreign country where the exchange rate to American dollars is miserable. I have no affluent friends or connections, no major backers or donors, no hidden inheritances....I just have the will to let God make a way.

So, what good is a blog about impossibilities without something impossible? On top of the ludicrous nature of the idea that I could become a missionary carrying an insurmountable student loan debt, about a month ago I felt as though God was telling me to go on a three month trip to India. It starts this coming February and ends in May. The total cost of the trip Is approximately $6,100, none of which I have the ability to pay for myself. Every dime I make goes toward ministry school, living expenses, and bills. To me, right now, $6,100 in three months looks utterly impossible. I know, however, that if God invited me to go He will forge a way. Chapter One is the story of a journey to India....

Taking Shape

After Brazil, I found myself unsatisfied by where I was and what I was doing. Something unusual had been awakened in me and all I wanted to do was live out adventures with God. I knew the impossible was possible and I wanted to see it as much as I could. After waiting for some time, I felt like God was telling me to head to a ministry school that I had been told about, and I was all for it! After the initial excitement of what my new life would be like wore off, "realities" began to set in. I had quit school in preparation for the move and I didn't have a job or any money with which to pack up my life and head hundreds of miles away. A move like that would cost at least a thousand dollars just to relocate and that's not even mentioning the cost of actually attending school. I had eight months to sit back and wonder what God would do. I knew where I was headed, but I had no clue how to get there. My entire life had been me figuring out ways to make things happen myself. I could have taken control and made everything happen, but in this particular scenario I felt like God wanted me to trust Him and let Him work out the way. Anxiously, I sat back and waited.....for 8 months.

6 months into the wait, things began to unfold. An unexpected, unprovoked source gave me $400, some unexpected money from an old job came my way, and before you knew it I had the money to at least move. Roommate chosen, deposit paid, and first month rent in hand, I loaded a truck and moved not knowing if I'd find a job in time or how I would pay tuition. I arrived in town and within one week I had a job and was registered for school. The 8 months of unknowns was finally winding down and things were beginning to take shape. What seemed to anyone (including myself) as an unemployed college drop out that had sorely misheard the Lord, was actually a person who was learning a long hard lesson, while watching the promises of God unfold.

It wasn't an easy road, it isn't the normal road.....work is a valuable thing that we have the ability to do, and except the Lord specifically telling me not to work lest I try and pave my own way to school, I would never have sat around for 8 months not working. It was one of the hardest times of my life, but in it I learned some of the most valuable lessons to date and I saw the hand of God pave a way through the impossible in which there was literally zero involvement from myself.

Building Monuments

A few more remembrances need to be erected before I move forward. The unforgettable events of my past are definitely sources of strength in the present.....

After I graduated from college, life took an unexpected turn. I went to school to become an interpreter but along the way God radically apprehended my life. I was in the midst of questioning why I didnt see the God of the Bible when unexplainable events began to unfold. I was given a free ticket to a conference at a local church so I figured I'd check it out. The presence of God in that place seemed more real to me than anything I had ever experienced. Shortly after the conference, I felt like God told me to go to Brazil on a short term trip. It seemed pretty overwhelming because in reality, I have no money, know no one with money, suck at salesmanship, and honestly wasn't motivated to do bake-sales or anything of the like. So, where is this $3000 going to come from? I had no clue, and to some extent I still have no clue where it came from. I sent out the usual support letters which returned probably $600 of the $3000. There was still a pretty large gap that I had no clue how to cover, but I knew that God told me to go on this trip and ultimately I was confident that He would make it possible somehow. About that same time, I was on a college ministry team and I got an email one day that a local apartment complex owner (non-Christian) wanted to give our leadership team free apartments in exchange for bringing other members of the college group to live in the complex. Long story short, I sublet the apartment I had been renting for $900 and that brought the total needed down to $1500. Let's just revisit the fact that a business person handed us free apartments! Yep, I just felt like we needed to stay there for a second. It was a pretty ridiculous thing that just happened to be perfectly timed. So what about the last $1500? The balance for the trip was given to me by an anonymous donor three days before the deadline. With all the money turned in, I was on my way.

While I was in Brazil, I saw incredible miracles, healings, and had experiences with God that I never thought possible. That being said, my questions about God moving today were answered, and I was on board with whatever He wanted to do!

Flashbacks

So now that you have an epic introduction to who I am and what this is all about I can dispense with the formalities. The best way for you to know where I'm going is to know where I am coming from. I was raised in an evangelical Christian home and believed in God from a young age, but it wasn't until college that I really started to question the incongruency between what I had been told my entire life and what I was experiencing for myself. I started to ask God why I didn't see seas part or fire from Heaven, why didn't He show up to us the way He did in Biblical times? That simple, yet sincere question opened the proverbial can of worms and my life completely changed.

Say What?!?!?.....

The first time I saw God's hand intervene in a miraculous way happened my senior year of college. I was a fifth year senior that realized I no longer had any interest in teaching secondary ed math to high schoolers. I knew that I was wasting my time and money. I decided to pursue interpreting sign language instead, but the only problem was that I couldn't even stomach the thought of finishing out the remainder of the year I had left. I wrote the dean of the school of education, told him my situation, and pleaded with him to allow me to graduate early. After he promptly replied and said, "no" I set up an appointment with him and tried again in person. As I sat in his office and watched his head shake back and forth I threw up a hail mary prayer asking God to help me out and instantaneously the dean's eyes flickered and the horizontal side to side motion miraculously turned into a decided, "yes". He said, "let me talk to your advisor," and that was the end of that. I graduated with a degree in secondary education without ever student teaching. For anyone with an education degree, you know that that truly is a miracle. For anyone outside of the teaching world, that's like saying, "you don't want to do your senior internship? No problem. Let me just sign off on your remaining 15 class credits, hand you your diploma, and you can be on your way". It just doesn't happen!

The Beginning

I have a severe lack of the impossible in my life.....As much as I want to live a safe life full of limitations, when every cell in my body says to give up and settle for what's in front of me, there is a nagging discomfort that propels me forward knowing that what's in front of me is a cheap imitation of what is really available. I've walked into, through, and out of impossible situations; I've seen the miraculous happen, and I've experienced the hand of God intervening in my life in ways that were unexplainable and unfathomable. The call of God on each one of our lives is a call that is impossible within the confines of our own strength. If I don't need His help to succeed, I'm not sure that I've set my bar high enough. Here in lies the dilemma, lofty callings and dreams require faith in a trustworthy God. Without love there can be no trust and without trust no faith, without faith it's impossible to live out the completion of your calling. My name is Tiffany Brown and this is my attempt to chronicle a journey of faith into the impossible.